Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Random thoughts and links, part 101

My seasons and timing are thrown off. Not only is Daylight Savings Time moving up the calender, so is the Halloween Trade Show. It's THIS weekend instead of the middle of March. And I'm so not ready for it.

My enthusiasm hasn't kicked in yet. Maybe I'm still traumatized by incidents from last year's trip. This time should be better, tho. Much smaller group, easier to communicate and keep together... I hope.

I was also initially worried about the weather. I mean, let's face it, Chicago in February is not the most pleasant place to be. But current weather forecasts are saying it should stay relatively warm but rainy. I can deal with rain. Cold is what makes me cease functioning and causes excessive whining.

In any case, I'm preparing for the trip properly. I have a hot stone massage scheduled for tomorrow night and I'm taking Monday off to recuperate. Plus there's a really good chance we could be seeing some real-life dead bodies on Sunday. Here's hoping for a stress-free trip and that I don't come home wanting to kill anyone.

Crazy links to keep you occupied:

This is so wrong on so many levels... so I just HAD to post it here (thanx Ric for the link).

Very handy, education and entertaining... I live for this show.

Just in time for Passover... for the mensch who has everything.

Need furniture but ya don't have a lot of room?... Come On Down!

Just the shirts I need for my Haunt Staff... hopefully more in the works soon...

The Internet knows where you live... and can tell you about that rain coming.

The weirdest stuff you will ever hear... fun to confuse your iPod with.

Cant... stop... playing... 34 seconds!

Thursday, February 15, 2007

Child-free, not childless

Have I mentioned lately how much I love birth control? No? Well, let me tall ya. I LOVE birth control: condoms, spermicides, the pill, all of it. Ortho-tri-cyclin is my friend. It makes me happy. It keeps me sane. Birth control will be my life-long pal.

Several incidents over the past 7 days have really driven that fact home, Well, perhaps 'driven that fact home' idoesn't quite cut it. These various events not only drove that fact home, but also had it bronzed, bolted to a wall, encased in shatter-proof glass, installed motion-sensor lasers and established a 24-hour SWAT team to guard it to make sure no one ever fucked with it again. Ever.

The urge to carve out my own ovaries with a rusty spoon has been overwhelming. Thank the pharmaceutical gods for birth control.

(EDIT: Additional thoughts after a good night's sleep)

Ever notice how, in a social situation, the person who either doesn't like or is afraid of dogs is the one the family dog always singles out? It works that way with kids, too.

I try to stay out of the way, avoid eye contact, even create a brown and grey aura of unpleasantness around me and they still single me out. And won't leave me alone. The big scary, grouchy lady has become an endless source of entertainment for them.

So why child-free and not childless? "Childess" sounds like a condition to be pitied.

Homeless. Jobless. Worthless.

"Child-free" sounds so nice: cancer-free, debt-free, worry-free.

Ok, I know not all kids are bad. And not all kids are bad all the time. But after the situations I've dealt with recently I feel like a rape-victim. I feel traumatized. It's Friday morning at 7:55am and I'm still reeling. I need group therapy and a hug... from grown-ups.

Thursday, February 8, 2007

Number, please...

I love my country, but I hate my government.

Well, let me rephrase that. I LIKE my country. Sometimes the general mood and opinion of this nation weird me out, but still, I hate my government. Every time there’s an election I do my damnedest to change things. Sometimes it works, but most of the time it doesn’t.

So for any of you non-States readers, I apologize humbly and sincerely for the way our current administration is fucking things up. I’m very sorry. I had no part in that.

One big reason I hate my government is this shit they pulled (and are probably continuing to pull) with phone tapping. Here’s my big conspiracy theory.

Right before the troops got sent over to the Middle East, my brother-in-law went over to protest and was actually in Iraq for a while. During that time Argon-Man and I had some serious issues with our phones not working. And not just the cell phones. The land line was doing it, too. Either one of us would be in the middle of a call with any ordinary friend or family member, discussing absolutely nothing important, and the line would ‘clik’ and then disconnect on us. We got used to redialing people a lot.

Then, as strangely as it started, it stopped. And it magically stopped right about the time the brother-in-law came home. Nifty, huh?

We’ve since dropped the land line but kept our cell phones. Altho we’ve updated phones a couple of times over the past 4 years we’ve kept the same numbers the whole time. And everything has been fine. Until recently.

Maybe the brother-in-law is on the move. I know he’s in Palestine right now, teaching English. And every once in a while he resurfaces in the local news. But to his actual whereabouts and activities right now... no clue. There’s a bit of family tension (it’s a long story that I prefer to stay out of) so we aren’t in contact with him.


I guess I should also mention that it’s not just Argon-man and me that are currently have phone issues. My parents’ phone has been freaking out for about a year now. I should probably also mention that my mother is VERY vocal about her disapproval of our current President. We’re talking dozens of letters to the local newspaper. She does NOT hold back her opinions.

Well, everyone has been having a lot of trouble trying to call my parents’ land line. Sometimes their answering machine will kick on for the caller and the phone never even rang. Sometimes the line just disconnects. Sometimes it never even connects to begin with.

They’ve had the same phone number and phone service provider since 1970. And Bell South has been out to inspect the phones and lines several times.

Am I paranoid? Crazy? Overly suspicious? You figure it out and get back to me. I’d suggest email since the damn phones aren’t working.

Monday, February 5, 2007

Fuzzy Wuzzy wuzza bear

Winter is upon us full force here in Loserville. It showed up a little late but it’s here. And it’s brass-monkey cold.

I’m now going to let out a little girly-winter secret. So you guys who are faint of heart may want to skip ahead to the Random Links.

When cold weather arrives, there are certain areas that don’t see a razor.

Now don’t start groaning. I know I’m not the only gal out there that grows their own socks in the winter. During my single gal days I was really bad about not shaving everything because I figure, NO ONE is gonna see this until spring. Why dull up a bunch of razors for something that’s not exposed.

Well, that’s not exactly true. I did (and still do) shave the lower part of my legs, since ankles and calves get a little showtime in the winter. The rest won’t see the razor until warm weather rolls around. Don’t panic. I’m very tidy in the summer.

I know some guys complain about having to shave their face every day. I will GLADLY trade with any of you any day. Just once you should try shaving the pits, the legs and the ‘nether regions,’ all at the same time, without drawing any blood or ruining your skin. Plus, don’t forget tweezing the eyebrows.

Luckily I’ve got a very forgiving and loving husband. Well, either that or he just doesn’t notice things because he’s never mentioned my winter furriness.

Saturday we were getting ready for a formal event and I mentioned that I should probably shave my legs since they hadn’t seen a razor in a while. We both looked down expecting something that resembled a tree sloth but were shocked when we saw nearly nothing.

Seems that Mom was right. Years ago dear old Mom told me one of the benefits of getting older (beside the disappearance of ye olde period) was that body hair gets thinner.

And, amazingly, that’s happening. Well, the hair thing anyway. The period is still going...

Having naturally black hair was always a curse in my youth. The hair on my legs was downright scary. Not to mention any hair that showed up on my arms or even, gods forbid, the upper lip.

But now at a ripe old age of 36 the hair on my legs is quite thin. Argon-Man and I really had to look to see any growth. Yes, there was growth, but you could barely see it. Astounding.

If this keeps up, I can quit shaving altogether! Imagine! No more chafed skin. No more cuts. No more dulled razors. It could happen! But not yet.

Don’t freak. I went ahead and weed-whacked the legs in time for the event. But at least now I have one reason to not dread getting older.