Friday, August 31, 2007

New resident at the Haunted House

Last night I was leaving the Mansion's downstairs office via the Gift Shop and, as I exited the door, just happened to look up.

In the seven years I've been there, I've never looked in this one particular spot.

Directly over the door is a wood sign hanging by a metal chain at each corner that reads "Culbertson Mansion Dry Goods Gift Shop." When I looked up, I was looking at the back of that sign.

And I saw something furry. Very furry.

I thought, "What the hell is that? Is that some sort of cocoon? Is it a large Woolly Worm?" And that's when I noticed the little toes...

...hanging on the top edge of the sign.

I'm amazed he's been there that long. Especially with all the traffic and noise that occurs underneath that sign every day.

Oh well, he's cute. I hope he stays. Perhaps he's a good omen for this season.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

BatFocus and the Disco Shitter

I love the internet. I say that at least once a day. You can find anything and everything on the internet.

I’m constantly amazed at the number of people who have no clue how to access it, use it or even what they could find on it. The people I work with are a fine example. I’ve become the great and powerful know-it-all Internet Guru at work because nobody there knows how to search for things. As omnipresent as Google is, the majority of people I work with don’t know how to use it.

Case #1: Storm a-Brewin’
A: Dag, those clouds sure do look awful dark. Duranfan, what’s our weather look like?
Me: (I go here and report whatever I see).
A: Ok, thanks.

Case #2: Can’t get that song out of my head
B: You know that song from the Geico commercial? The one with the caveman in the airport? Who does that song?
Me: (Google: Type in “lyrics there is always something to remind me of another place and time”) The song is called “Remind Me” by a group called Royksopp.
B: Cool. I need to get that off iTunes

Case #3: The Urban Legend
C: (email received) “UPS uniforms have been stolen by terrorists!” followed by a message intended to scare the living shit out of you.
Me: (in a reply) No, they haven’t. It’s an internet hoax. Go here are read for yourself.

(I’ve discovered if it’s too good or too horrific to be true, it probably isn’t. Go to snopes and look it up.)

This shit happens nearly every day. But I don’t use the Internet just to find out weird facts. I also use it for what many of our double-X chromosome population loves to do. I use it to shop.

Amazon is a favorite of mine and the spouse’s. Between the two of us, I don’t know who spends more money on books, music and movies.

I found my wedding dress here. I find all kinds of cool things from Japan here. I found some really funny and very offensive t-shirts here and here. And I found some wonderful perfume here. And socks! I love socks! I found a bunch of wacky socks here.

I also get a metric fuck-ton of catalogs, all of which has a website. So when I got the most recent What On Earth catalog and saw these, I had to hit their website and order. While I was there, I was browsing thru their clearance section and came across this.

Oh wow! Look at it! It matches our bathroom! It’s blue and transparent and it has shells and starfish and coral in it! And it lights up! Holy shit! I must have this!

So they came in two days ago. The wings are adorable. And it even came with a nose! A plush, black nose that your wire to your grill. This fall my little mom-wagon will be transformed into the BATFOCUS, serving as a moving advertisement for the Haunted House (we have magnetic door panel ads I’ll be sticking on the sides of the car).

And the toilet lid? Amazing. My friend Nicograph dubbed it the Disco Shitter. It was a bitch and a half to install (who knew changing a toilet lid would be so damn tough) but wow... it’s purdy. It’s blue and all lit up and sparkly and everything. It lights up the whole bathroom. So now, when we get those middle-of-the-night piss urges, we won’t get blinded by turning on the main light. Now we simply lift the lid and ta-da! Disco Shitter!

Did I mention how much I love the Internet?

Monday, August 6, 2007

And now, a pause that refreshes...

First off, does anyone know where I can find these? I’ve been hearing about them for a while and I’ve been all jonsin’ to try one.

I know a lot of people are gonna be thinking, “Peanut butter and banana?! Yuck!” Not so, uneducated one. Peanut butter and ‘nana is damn tasty. Maybe not in Elvis’s favorite sandwich form, but still, nothing beats a fresh banana sliced in half and filled with creamy peanut butter.

And yes, I said creamy. Crunchy is ok, but give me creamy any day. Ya know, way back in my single, lonely and bitter days, when I actually tried out the whole on-line dating thing, that was one of my conversation openers: Peanut butter: creamy or crunchy?

But back to the topic. Peanut butter, yes. One of the greatest snack foods ever. As a kid I lived on peanut butter. On toast. With jelly in sandwich form. On crackers. With bananas. With honey (also know as Honey Bunkin among us hillbilly types). Sometimes even just a heaping tablespoon of the stuff all by itself. And of course, with chocolate.

“You got peanut butter in my chocolate! Hey, you got chocolate in my peanut butter!” Yes, now shut up and eat it. It’s good. Really good. Chocolate and peanut butter is one of the best PMS food combinations ever. What a great comfort food. I can’t tell you how many times a large bar of Hershey’s Special Dark and a jar of Reese’s returned me to sanity after a job loss, a break-up or a bad bout of cramps.

(Another great yet weird snack food combo is M&Ms and Cheeze Whiz. Try it sometime and tell me what you think.)

Speaking of PMS food, I discovered another wonderful treat this weekend. The spouse and I were running around Saturday and decided to stop at a Popcorn Station on the way home. I’ve driven by this place nearly every day and have been wanting to go in and grab something. And am I ever glad we did. For behold! I have discovered perhaps the greatest snacky food since the afore mentioned peanut butter and chocolate...

Chocolate. Cherry. Popcorn.

No shit. And all you people making yucky sounds, shut the hell up. You haven’t tried it yet. Popcorn that’s been candy-coated in a nice sugary, cherry-flavor substance, then drizzled with chocolate. Honey, it don’t get no better than this.

Or maybe I shouldn’t say that yet. I gotta try the Elvis Peanut Butter and ‘Nana Reese’s Cup first. Now I just gotta find one.