Favorite Spooky Video Countdown

Once Haunted House season is over I can really look forward to Halloween Night. I may be too old to go Trick or Treating but I'm at the perfect age to enjoy giving away the goods.

When the Spouse and I moved into our house 3 years ago, we had no idea how lively our little neighborhood could get on holidays. Halloween night our cul de sac goes batshit insane. Our first year we had 32 kids show up. Our second year we had 64. Last year was down to 17 but it rained like hell that night. This year they're predicting dry and cool weather so I'm hoping for another 64 plus.

We have drive-by Trick-or-Treating out here. A car will pull up and stop in the middle of the cul de sac. Three to six kids will get out, run up to every house, jump back in the car and VROOM! They're gone.

Nearly every house is decorated with pumpkins, lights and props. And we are no exception. I have two 20-pound bags of bones that get arranged on our front walk, resembling some whacked out crime scene. We have orange lights lining the house and the Spouse lines the front yard with several torches.

I also put the iMac in the window and have it showing old horror movies like Night of the Living Dead and The Pit and the Pendulum. The kids like it but the parents out with the kids love it more.

But to warm up the crowd before the movies start rolling, I show 10 of my favorite creepy videos:

10. Dead Man's Party - Oingo Boingo
Ok, so it's not exactly a spooky video, even tho it does feature some cute spot-motion animation of little Dia de los Muertos skeletons and a very creepy looking Danny Elfman. The song is still appropriate.


9. TV Dinners - ZZ Top
By today's standards this is pretty cheezy but I loved this video when it came out. And the little meal monster is cute.


8. The Time Warp - Rocky Horror Picture Show cast
Halloween just isn't the same with it out.


7. Haulin' Hearse - The Ghastly Ones
I discovered these guys via one of my favorite music blogs and it got me hooked on the whole Monster Surf music genre. I love their outfits and that vintage hearse is sweet.


6. The Contraption
Not a music video, but still pretty damn creepy nonetheless. It left a hell of an impression on me when I first saw it back in the 80s and it's never lost its impact. See if you recognize the man (you saw him earlier in #8).
(Embedding isn't allowed but you can view it here.)

5. What's He Building in There - Tom Waits
When he wrote this piece he didn't mean for it to come across as creepy, just more of a casual observation on how nosey people can be. But the sound effects made my skin crawl the first time I listened to it. The accompanying video pushes the spooky factor even further, strangely reminding me of Night of the Living Dead.


4. Joan Crawford - Blue Oyster Cult
Catholic school girls are creepy. Zombie Catholic school girls are even creepier.


3. Night Boat - Duran Duran
Better than Snakes on a Plane, Zombies on a Boat!


2. Rubber Johnny - Aphex Twin
Beyond disturbing. The night-vision only makes it even more scary.


1. Thriller - Michael Jackson
I was never a fan of Michael Jackson, even back when he was still a black man, but damn this is STILL a great video for Halloween!
(Embedding not available, but you can watch it here.)

And I'm sure yall have a bunch of other videos I failed to mention here. Feel free to add them in the comments. I'm always up for expanding my spooky collection.

Haunted Adventures 2007: Finale

One weekend left. And then that’s it. For real.

Well, ok, not COMPLETELY it. The Mansion still has a couple of Ghostly Undertaking sleepovers in November that I’ll be doing ye olde Tarot card readings for.

But for the whole Haunted House thing, looks like I’ll be gradually passing the torch (or severed limb, if that sounds more appropriate) onto my Assistant Director. I’m not bowing out completely. I’ll be there to help out and advise my successor, and I’ll still do publicity, set design as few other things. I’ve already talked to my Assistant and the Staff. And everybody’s cool with it.

I’d been pondering this for the past four years, and seriously pondering it this summer. But the decision came two weeks ago.

Every year this event takes more and more out of me. I quit acting in the House 2 years ago to focus on management. But running this whole operation should be a full time job. Unfortunately I already have one of those, plus a spouse, cat and house that also need my attention.

And I’m not 24 any more. That’s how old I was when I entered this business we call ‘scare.’ I’m 37, overweight, out of shape, greying and prone to tire easily.

But back to two weeks ago. We had finished a successful Friday night and I was looking forward to curling up next to my beloved spouse for a good night’s sleep. Which never came. The moment I laid down on the pillow I was suddenly wide awake. With a raging fever.

Saturday morning I dragged my sorry carcass out of bed after several futile hours of getting no sleep. I went straight to the couch and debated on whether to return to the House that night while the fever continued, the throat burned and the ears plugged.

Needless to say bad health won out. It’s the first night I’ve missed. Ever. And for those of you who don’t know me personally, I have to be dirty dog sick to stay home. I mean I have to be suffering from bleeding eyeballs and spontaneous human combustion before I’ll not show up.

So the House had to run without me that Saturday. I managed to make it to work Monday, which was stupid, because it only made my plague worse. I took off both Tuesday and Wednesday (another first for me - missing 2 days straight from work) and ventured to my doctor to discover I have a lovely case of strep throat. Gees, I haven’t had strep since high school, and that was 20 years ago, folks. It’s not as easy to get over when you’re old.

So it was during my fever non-sleep that the decision was made. I’m done. This is my last year. I’m not doing this any more.

But with the help of some heavy duty antibiotics, my health sprang back and here I am. And I’m running the show for one more weekend.

After that, my life is mine again. We have Halloween coming up next week, and Halloween night our cul de sac goes batshit crazy. The spouse and I are working some major events for the next couple of months. Our 5-year anniversary is next month. We also want to have a Winter Solstice party in December before we head out on our annual Get-the-Hell-Outta-Town-for-Christmas trip.

Plus our house needs a good cleaning. And I have more books to read. And the spouse and I have been enjoying the first season of Night Gallery on DVD recently. And I have the COMPLETE series of Thriller with Boris Karloff coming in soon (yes, friends and neighbors, all 67 episodes).

So, Happy Halloween to all you loyal readers. Things will be perking up here again very soon. But I gotta get ready for tonight’s episode of Ghost Hunters (they’re gonna be at our local spooky gem, The Waverly, next week!).

Toodles til later! *bows to the left, bows to the right*

Random thoughts and links, part 107

We're two weeks into Haunt Season and I'm confronting "Theory vs. Practice" full force.

All spring and summer, and even part of the early fall, my creative crew and I work our butts off putting this place together. And a lot of our original ideas that come up in the early spring have gone thru a complete transformation by the time we're ready to open. We encounter obstacles, time and money constraints, safety issues and state government blocks (when you're operating on state property, you REALLY have to watch your ass).

But the whole Theory vs. Practice doesn't end with opening night. It continues until the place shuts down at the end of the season. And last weekend I had a refresher course on Theory vs. Practice. Several things we had PLANNED to go a certain way have turned out not applicable in practice.

So you gotta adapt. And adapt we shall. And no one outside the function of the House will know any better.

My problem is my stress. I have brought stressing out to a whole new level, an art form if you will. I can have a meltdown bigger and better than Britney Spears ('course I keep my hair and I don't hit any illegal substances). "Type A Personality" doesn't even begin to cover me.

I'm not a candidate for a heart attack or a stroke. I'm a candidate for Spontaneous Human Combustion. I swear, when my time comes, I'm gonna go out like a supernova. There'll be this giant *FLOOM!* and there'll be nothing left but a greasy pile of ash, some jewelry and shoes. That's it.

Luckily a staff gal and her spouse have come to my rescue. So maybe I'll make it another week without any heat.

And speaking of heat, hopefully this weekend will go smoother. Not that last weekend was rough, but the weather was downright hellish. It was that famous All-98 Weather; 98 degrees, 98% humidity, 98 heat index. I had actors dropping like flies. Hell, even standing outside wasn't any better. Everyone's clothes were soaked with sweat and moisture from the air. The crowd was surly and getting angrier by the minute. Waiting in line and All-98 Weather is not a pretty combination.

Ok, I take that back, it WAS a rough weekend. But this weekend is supposed to have nicer weather.

In the meantime, I'll leave yall with some wacky links. That should keep yall busy until I have a pause to write again.

Outdoor string lights add such ambiance to any event, especially these charming ones...

Or for those entertaining inside this Halloween, howz about these to wash up with...

Forget sock monkeys, I wanted some of these when I was a kid...

For fans of ICanHasCheezburger, a translator!

Want a ringtone that will REALLY get attention? Fuck yeah!

A place for us cube farm inhabitants...

A Graveyard Smash

It’s that time of year again. The time when I disappear from most social functions, don’t add a lot to the Hell Bus, and (according to my beloved spouse) become very difficult to live with. (Spouse, you have my undying love and devotion for putting up with me these past couple of months.)

As much as I love this volunteer job of mine, it does take its toll every year. I love the feeling of oncoming autumn, the cool days, the smell of wood and paint as we construct yet another floor plan and new sets. I love seeing the old veterans returning with just as much (or even more) enthusiasm for this business we call scare. I love the rush of Friday and Saturday nights when we have a huge line of people waiting to get their chance to be scared shitless or at least come out laughing. Either way, we’ve done our job. We entertained them.

But every year I return with a little more grey sprouting outta my skull. I worry about stuff way too much. Sometimes I set goals a little too high. And do I ever get stressed out. I go beyond the snapping point at least 5 times from June to November. Just ask the spouse or any of my friends about some of my outbursts.

And, as usual, I’ve had some let downs. I expect it every year. There’s always one person, one manufacturer, one incident or one state official who manages to fail us miserably. Some years it’s been one of each. This year it’s been a few of some, none of the other.

So yes, I’ve already had one good snap. One good primal screaming session. I just had to get it out before something physical popped.

But that was a couple days ago. Right now I’m fine. In moments of complete and utter breakdown I keep remembering the words of my predecessor and mentor (the guy who used to run the place before me):

“The House will run. No matter what happens. The House will open and run itself. The customers won’t know about all the bullshit you’ve put up with until this point. They won’t know how many people have bailed and left you hanging. They won’t know about the props that never arrived, got built or are already broken. You just put on your best make-up and give them the best show you can and they won’t know the difference.”

I also always have Plan B in the back of my skull. Every room in that house has a Plan B. Every prop that fails, every actor that quits, every promise made that goes unfulfilled... Plan B is filed away in the cabinet down the hall in the dusty corner of my brain. I have a back-up plan for everything.

Plus I have some absolutely amazing people who have gone way beyond the call of duty. My Artistic Director has taken time off from his real job and worked odd hours late at night on the house. This mad genius of a man has built some wildly freakish things for us that our little brains could never has conceived. Things that would cost thousands of dollars, this man made for a few hundred, sometimes even less.

Several of my veterans (D, M, L and E) have been there with me every single Thursday night, putting up with the heat, the dust, the filth and the 100lb+ props getting moved from room to room. Bless their little cobwebbed hearts. I love these people. My little worker bees.

And the staff has been good. My one special staff girl (you know who you are) has been wonderful at keeping my mood elevated and talking me thru all the shitty stuff.

So now we’re down to the final week and a half before we open. There’s still stuff to do but every time I walk thru that house, I’m really impressed at how much has been accomplished. Who knows, we might be finished with this thing before we open!

(Some of you have been asking about photos. Friends and neighbors, they’re already up.)

New resident at the Haunted House

Last night I was leaving the Mansion's downstairs office via the Gift Shop and, as I exited the door, just happened to look up.

In the seven years I've been there, I've never looked in this one particular spot.

Directly over the door is a wood sign hanging by a metal chain at each corner that reads "Culbertson Mansion Dry Goods Gift Shop." When I looked up, I was looking at the back of that sign.

And I saw something furry. Very furry.

I thought, "What the hell is that? Is that some sort of cocoon? Is it a large Woolly Worm?" And that's when I noticed the little toes...

...hanging on the top edge of the sign.

I'm amazed he's been there that long. Especially with all the traffic and noise that occurs underneath that sign every day.

Oh well, he's cute. I hope he stays. Perhaps he's a good omen for this season.

BatFocus and the Disco Shitter

I love the internet. I say that at least once a day. You can find anything and everything on the internet.

I’m constantly amazed at the number of people who have no clue how to access it, use it or even what they could find on it. The people I work with are a fine example. I’ve become the great and powerful know-it-all Internet Guru at work because nobody there knows how to search for things. As omnipresent as Google is, the majority of people I work with don’t know how to use it.

Case #1: Storm a-Brewin’
A: Dag, those clouds sure do look awful dark. Duranfan, what’s our weather look like?
Me: (I go here and report whatever I see).
A: Ok, thanks.

Case #2: Can’t get that song out of my head
B: You know that song from the Geico commercial? The one with the caveman in the airport? Who does that song?
Me: (Google: Type in “lyrics there is always something to remind me of another place and time”) The song is called “Remind Me” by a group called Royksopp.
B: Cool. I need to get that off iTunes

Case #3: The Urban Legend
C: (email received) “UPS uniforms have been stolen by terrorists!” followed by a message intended to scare the living shit out of you.
Me: (in a reply) No, they haven’t. It’s an internet hoax. Go here are read for yourself.

(I’ve discovered if it’s too good or too horrific to be true, it probably isn’t. Go to snopes and look it up.)

This shit happens nearly every day. But I don’t use the Internet just to find out weird facts. I also use it for what many of our double-X chromosome population loves to do. I use it to shop.

Amazon is a favorite of mine and the spouse’s. Between the two of us, I don’t know who spends more money on books, music and movies.

I found my wedding dress here. I find all kinds of cool things from Japan here. I found some really funny and very offensive t-shirts here and here. And I found some wonderful perfume here. And socks! I love socks! I found a bunch of wacky socks here.

I also get a metric fuck-ton of catalogs, all of which has a website. So when I got the most recent What On Earth catalog and saw these, I had to hit their website and order. While I was there, I was browsing thru their clearance section and came across this.

Oh wow! Look at it! It matches our bathroom! It’s blue and transparent and it has shells and starfish and coral in it! And it lights up! Holy shit! I must have this!

So they came in two days ago. The wings are adorable. And it even came with a nose! A plush, black nose that your wire to your grill. This fall my little mom-wagon will be transformed into the BATFOCUS, serving as a moving advertisement for the Haunted House (we have magnetic door panel ads I’ll be sticking on the sides of the car).

And the toilet lid? Amazing. My friend Nicograph dubbed it the Disco Shitter. It was a bitch and a half to install (who knew changing a toilet lid would be so damn tough) but wow... it’s purdy. It’s blue and all lit up and sparkly and everything. It lights up the whole bathroom. So now, when we get those middle-of-the-night piss urges, we won’t get blinded by turning on the main light. Now we simply lift the lid and ta-da! Disco Shitter!

Did I mention how much I love the Internet?

And now, a pause that refreshes...

First off, does anyone know where I can find these? I’ve been hearing about them for a while and I’ve been all jonsin’ to try one.

I know a lot of people are gonna be thinking, “Peanut butter and banana?! Yuck!” Not so, uneducated one. Peanut butter and ‘nana is damn tasty. Maybe not in Elvis’s favorite sandwich form, but still, nothing beats a fresh banana sliced in half and filled with creamy peanut butter.

And yes, I said creamy. Crunchy is ok, but give me creamy any day. Ya know, way back in my single, lonely and bitter days, when I actually tried out the whole on-line dating thing, that was one of my conversation openers: Peanut butter: creamy or crunchy?

But back to the topic. Peanut butter, yes. One of the greatest snack foods ever. As a kid I lived on peanut butter. On toast. With jelly in sandwich form. On crackers. With bananas. With honey (also know as Honey Bunkin among us hillbilly types). Sometimes even just a heaping tablespoon of the stuff all by itself. And of course, with chocolate.

“You got peanut butter in my chocolate! Hey, you got chocolate in my peanut butter!” Yes, now shut up and eat it. It’s good. Really good. Chocolate and peanut butter is one of the best PMS food combinations ever. What a great comfort food. I can’t tell you how many times a large bar of Hershey’s Special Dark and a jar of Reese’s returned me to sanity after a job loss, a break-up or a bad bout of cramps.

(Another great yet weird snack food combo is M&Ms and Cheeze Whiz. Try it sometime and tell me what you think.)

Speaking of PMS food, I discovered another wonderful treat this weekend. The spouse and I were running around Saturday and decided to stop at a Popcorn Station on the way home. I’ve driven by this place nearly every day and have been wanting to go in and grab something. And am I ever glad we did. For behold! I have discovered perhaps the greatest snacky food since the afore mentioned peanut butter and chocolate...

Chocolate. Cherry. Popcorn.

No shit. And all you people making yucky sounds, shut the hell up. You haven’t tried it yet. Popcorn that’s been candy-coated in a nice sugary, cherry-flavor substance, then drizzled with chocolate. Honey, it don’t get no better than this.

Or maybe I shouldn’t say that yet. I gotta try the Elvis Peanut Butter and ‘Nana Reese’s Cup first. Now I just gotta find one.