Saturday, August 25, 2007

BatFocus and the Disco Shitter

I love the internet. I say that at least once a day. You can find anything and everything on the internet.

I’m constantly amazed at the number of people who have no clue how to access it, use it or even what they could find on it. The people I work with are a fine example. I’ve become the great and powerful know-it-all Internet Guru at work because nobody there knows how to search for things. As omnipresent as Google is, the majority of people I work with don’t know how to use it.

Case #1: Storm a-Brewin’
A: Dag, those clouds sure do look awful dark. Duranfan, what’s our weather look like?
Me: (I go here and report whatever I see).
A: Ok, thanks.

Case #2: Can’t get that song out of my head
B: You know that song from the Geico commercial? The one with the caveman in the airport? Who does that song?
Me: (Google: Type in “lyrics there is always something to remind me of another place and time”) The song is called “Remind Me” by a group called Royksopp.
B: Cool. I need to get that off iTunes

Case #3: The Urban Legend
C: (email received) “UPS uniforms have been stolen by terrorists!” followed by a message intended to scare the living shit out of you.
Me: (in a reply) No, they haven’t. It’s an internet hoax. Go here are read for yourself.

(I’ve discovered if it’s too good or too horrific to be true, it probably isn’t. Go to snopes and look it up.)

This shit happens nearly every day. But I don’t use the Internet just to find out weird facts. I also use it for what many of our double-X chromosome population loves to do. I use it to shop.

Amazon is a favorite of mine and the spouse’s. Between the two of us, I don’t know who spends more money on books, music and movies.

I found my wedding dress here. I find all kinds of cool things from Japan here. I found some really funny and very offensive t-shirts here and here. And I found some wonderful perfume here. And socks! I love socks! I found a bunch of wacky socks here.

I also get a metric fuck-ton of catalogs, all of which has a website. So when I got the most recent What On Earth catalog and saw these, I had to hit their website and order. While I was there, I was browsing thru their clearance section and came across this.

Oh wow! Look at it! It matches our bathroom! It’s blue and transparent and it has shells and starfish and coral in it! And it lights up! Holy shit! I must have this!

So they came in two days ago. The wings are adorable. And it even came with a nose! A plush, black nose that your wire to your grill. This fall my little mom-wagon will be transformed into the BATFOCUS, serving as a moving advertisement for the Haunted House (we have magnetic door panel ads I’ll be sticking on the sides of the car).

And the toilet lid? Amazing. My friend Nicograph dubbed it the Disco Shitter. It was a bitch and a half to install (who knew changing a toilet lid would be so damn tough) but wow... it’s purdy. It’s blue and all lit up and sparkly and everything. It lights up the whole bathroom. So now, when we get those middle-of-the-night piss urges, we won’t get blinded by turning on the main light. Now we simply lift the lid and ta-da! Disco Shitter!

Did I mention how much I love the Internet?


Anonymous said...

OMG! I have to get a toilet seat like that. We have a neon bathroom and it would be perfect... I'm so excited. Thank you

lakelady said...

don't have your email so the only place I know to send this to you is here. Have you seen this?

Hollygoyle said...

For lakelady...

Clues to my email address...

Go here:

Go to the Volunteer page.


KD said...

When's the seat-warming party? ;)