God, movies suck right now. I mean really suck. We’re talking massive amounts of negative pressure. Huge cratefuls of suck.
Don’t believe me? Go to Apple movie trailers and look. You’ll see that Hollywood is completely out of ideas.
The Spouse and I have discussed the absolutely puke-inducing trend in comedies right now. We call them the BBBF movies; Boobs, Butts, Beer and Farts. Ever since “The 40-Year-Old Virgin,” nearly every comedy that comes out is geared toward males age 13-30 and features nothing but beer and fart jokes, offset with overly-sexed and completely unrealistic babes with large tits and extra curvy butts, who surprisingly, find themselves attracted to these juvenile, overweight, unhygienic clods.
Yeah, and monkeys are flying outta my ass.
So if you go and peruse Apple movie trailers you will find no less than 12 of these BBBF turds.
Another example of rotten movies is the trend of “Let’s make a movie based on this totally awesome toy/cartoon/comic book/video game!” Example? Yup, five of them on that page. And that’s only the ones with current trailers. Should we even venture into the vomit bags that were released last year (Transformers, Ghost Rider, Bratz...)?
Then there’s the remakes. There’s 3 on the website right now but it seems like very few weeks a classic film is being ass-raped into a pop-culture trash-fest of a remake (Rollerball, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, I Am Legend, Halloween...).
Speaking of hip-hop teen pop culture, there’s the other trend of the trendy teens/bad high school kids and the great dance contest/car race. You want examples? Yo! The Fast and the Furious, Bring It On, How She Move... Let’s face it. All of these are just remakes of Breakin’ Too: Electric Bugaloo.
One more trend we’ve noticed is the Harrison Ford “I have to save my family!” movie (Firewall, Air Force One) and the George Clooney running from something movie (Burn After Reading, Syriana, O Brother Where Art Thou, Michael Clayton). Altho both men are fine actors and have turned out some incredible films, both can always fall back on those two themes and at least get their Hollywood mansion mortgage paid.
Now I should point out that not all of the trailers out right now are full of suckage. There’s several on there that show promise; the dramas, the political intrigues, the foreign films. And then there’s Wall•e. Yeah, I’m hooked on this one. I’ve already watched the trailer about 30 times now. And the new Star Trek looks pretty damn cool, too.
But everything else. Suck.